With the long crawl of time a coldness in my heart a numbness in my mind I exhale droplets into the air and fast they fall like hail from clouds they smash to the ground I step to the platform edge I am a face of rage torn today my world has no tomorrow or no yesterday I am a woman scorned with no poems forged I hear countless raps of repetitive trains on repetitive mornings those early mornings when you are drinking water to wash the dust and dead skin from your dried-out throat and your dried-out eyes they no longer cry under the fluorescent lights where office suits and ties weigh you up weigh up your life when you hide behind your frizzy hair burned out from under summer’s long stare styled in tongs for too long brushed a billion times until the fallen strands become a train pad for selfish suits to comfortably sit with their legs crossed their newspapers upright their eyes fixed on Financial Times numbers stocks and shares supressed in their minds I wonder how weak we must be to ride the endless rock the endless rap motion upon track and ballast the rap rock sound a dismal rap track a dismal ballad without love we stand on a platform edge swaying we stare at the back of knitted-hat heads in cold feet with cold heart with cold stare we wait for the doors to open
Thank you so much.
Amazing use of words and images.
Thank you so much, Alex.
Please keep writing 🙂
Thank you Alex 😊
I felt the absence of any punctuation added to the overall weight of this wonderful piece. Kind of gave it a ’21 pilots’ song touch – schezophrenic pop.
Thank you so much, Chandan. Having no punctuation kind of happened because I didn’t want to break the sentences or the flow, and I wanted the reader to interpret the joins of words in there own way. I am glad you liked the piece and I am curious about the ’21 Pilots’ now so I am off to Google 😊 Thanks for the inspiration…it is always appreciated. Best Wishes.
You’re most welcome Donna! And thanks a lot for the wishes 🙂
Actually it kind of happened with me too. Few days ago, my friend messaged me to tell him something interesting. Having been taken aback with this sudden request, I just started describing the things around in a more literary-laden way. 2-3 lines through the message, I realized I hadn’t used any punctuation and it was all making sense. I thought about continuing that way just to see how far I can go. I wrote over 20 lines and sent it to my friend.
My friend’s response – what the heck was that? 😛
Obviously it was a bit comical and absurd. But your piece has a serious unsettling tone and that was the reason behind comparing it with lyrics that ’21 pilots’ songs have. Now that you’ve googled them (I hope you have, by now), specially look for their song ‘Car Radio’.
Sorry for the late reply. We were visiting Wales for a few days and there was a lack of signal in most places, which was quite refreshing in a sense – not to be on my phone for a while.
I Googled ’21 Pilots’ and listened to ‘Car Radio’, and I can see how they use a continuous strings of words without punctuation. I really like their style…it’s very powerful. I think I will do more writes without punctuation as I feel it really frees the mind not to be constricted by rules. Thanks again for the inspiration.
Gosh, Donna, this one really is dark, a living nightmare on a platform edge with rock/rap soundtrack, rage bubbling in a pit of desolation, the whole effect amplified through your unpunctuated stream-of-consciousness technique. Harrowing but compulsive with psychological depth, ‘No False Stops’ is a memorable vignette.
My very best,
Thanks Paul. I am glad you enjoyed it and I really appreciate your comment. I only write dark stuff…I have tried many times to be light with my writing but in the end darkness comes out. I am certainly liking the no punctuation technique. I think it works in art, more than everyday writing etc. I find the style very freeing…where you can just focus on thought and not writing rules. Best Wishes. Donna
This is so cool especially when you read it knowing it doesn’t have any punctuation. You read it in a whole new way.
Thanks JC. I think this style allows the reader to interpret a stream of words without the writer making them follow rules of punctuation as a map to follow. I will likely write more pieces in this style as I find it very freeing. Thank you so much.
Amazing !! This is an innovative style!! No stops !! Thus perfect!!😃😃
Thank you so much Parth Agarwal, for your kind comment on my writing. I really appreciate it 🙂